Winter is gasping its last, dying breath and I find myself holding onto its pleasant chill, knowing the the searing, invasive days of summer are looming close. The sun is out today, but there have been several days of grey clouds, gusts of wind and rain about which have invited me to curl up deliciously inside, not feeling guilty about snuggly up with a movie in the afternoon, or sipping hot drinks while the storm rages outside. I love walking in the cold, too, with the wind nipping my cheeks, and invigorating my mind. I am holding onto these days.
I wonder, though, if that is necessarily a good thing? Should we hold onto that which is slipping through our fingers, looking back nostalgically to the sweet days of the past? Do I loathe the coming season, or do I embrace it, living it fully and with gusto, rather than wishing for the seemingly more pleasant past? Life seems to move so quickly, with sweet blossom one day and branches covered in leaves the next. I know these days of rich, verdant scents and bright floral colours spread exultantly everywhere will soon give way to long days of shimmering heat where everything, including me, seems to wilt. Should I look ahead beyond this delightful spring, past summer, to the pleasant days of autumn, and miss living fully in the current season? Am I seizing the day, pausing to stop and imbibe the pleasant moments each day brings?
A change of season always brings a kind of longing in me, a wistfulness for I know not what. I stop to examine the days and spend too much time longing for what I don’t yet have, and not enough time being thankful for the current joys. In five days, I’ll be back at school and I won’t have time to loll about, pleasing myself, but that is ok. I intend to grasp hold of this next season with both hands, giving myself fully while I can to the students. I will embrace them and enjoy those moments for what they are, not longing to be elsewhere. I’ll trust Him to make all things beautiful in His time, not mine. I’ll embrace His time, knowing that it is best.
What to write when you haven’t written in quite some time?
I’m still trying to process the fact that I will be taking off the whole of next term. My darling and I have been doing a lot of talking, and we both think I am due for a nice long break from teaching. Fourteen years is a long time, and I do need some breathing space in my life. I am looking forward to deconstructing my life a little bit, and allowing God to re-align me through that most precious of gifts, time. Sometimes in order to step into the new you need to break away from the old, even if it feels like you are stepping into a chasm.
What will I be doing? I hear you ask.
I have no idea. All I know is that this is right and good, even though it feels like all that is normal and secure has been shaken up vigourously.
Really, it’s pathetic, because there are many, many women who have to live without their hubands for weeks on end. I am still finding it hard, though. When your lives are so enmeshed it really affects so much of what one does every day. Actually, I am moving from the missing him desperately to the ‘Hey! I can turn the light off whenever I want!’, stage, so that is good. 
It helps that work has been frenetic, with a twelve hour day yesterday, and that I have something on tonight and tomorrow night (chocolate fondue night! Husband? What husband?).
In regards to work, I have to question why the student who was arrested the day before yesterday for inciting gang violence and being with a group of kids (outside school) who all had knives or machetes is still allowed to be a part of my class? The disclaimer is that although he was in school uniform, he was outside the school grounds, so, you know, this is not a school issue. Give me a break. He spent eight hours in jail, but of course, it is all the police’s fault. We can’t accept any responsibility, oh no.
What I find with refugees who have been through severe trauma is that they can go one of two ways in their new country. Most come here eternally grateful, and jump at every opportunity to build an amazing future for themselves. The other hold onto suspicion and anger (and I do totally get this) and end up in all kinds of trouble because they live like the world owes them something. While I have every sympathy (and believe me, I bend over backwards to build into these kids) it is after events like this, which follow other events of a similar nature, that grace starts to run out and I think justice should prevail. I actually really like this kid; he is bright and smart and funny, but is inordinately arrogant, lazy and has a serious temper problem. He has had chance after chance and now it seems to me that the time has come for a reality check.
Harumph. I don’t usually write about work in this much detail. You have no idea how much goes on in my day, but I try to keep my mouth shut out of a desire to protect the kids in my care. Maybe I should delete this later?
We had our parent/teacher evening last night, and as always, I am humbled by the stories that would break me if they had happened to me. It is inspiring to see the courage and perseverance under the most dire of circumstances, and the hope that shines in spite of life dealing the most cruel blows.
There was the gorgeous, graceful African mother who left three of her children at home alone, bringing her (scrumptious!) two year old and her daughter to speak to her teachers. She travelled on the bus, a good two hours journey, had to wait nearly two hours because the interpreter was late, then was prepared to catch the bus home again. I’m so glad we were able to send her off in a taxi.
Then there was the aunt who adopted her nephew’s children from Burma (oh, the plight of the Burmese) and was ‘prepared to spend all my money on them, because I have no husband and children of my own’, and ‘could you tell me how to enrol them into sporting clubs so they can have every opportunity to build life in their new country?’ Hats off to these amazing people.
I really need to do some serious work on my ‘other job’ now, the Cambodia one. Hopefully this has put me into a writing frame of mind!
So I’m back. I like this blogging thing, but I do wonder if I have what it takes to keep this going. I’m not even sure who reads anymore (anyone?), but I do get so much pleasure out of others’s blogs, I’m going to have another go at mine.
I’m not sure why I left it so long. It’s not like I don’t have anything to say. Silence has never been one of my strong points. I must tell you a story in passing. Not long after we first got married, we were driving somewhere and listening to our favourite cd at the time, U2’s ‘Vertigo’. There is a song on it with a line that goes something like this: I want to step inside your head and spend the day there, hear all the things you never said, and see what you might see.’ In a romantic, newly-wed daze, I turned to my husband and said,
“Would you like to step inside my head and spend the day there?” thinking what a lovely, romantic notion this was. He replied,
“Well, not really. It wouldn’t be a holiday.” Lucky for him, I’ve got a great sense of humour and this made me laugh out loud. He is not one to pander to my whims. I like to talk, a lot. I have assured him that only about 50% of what is in my mind comes out of my mouth, though. I’m not sure if he is relieved or worried by this.
*******
This has been a droopingly hot, hot summer, one of the hottest I can remember. When you get day after relentless day of temperatures in the high 30s and early 40s, and nights that do not cool below 30 until about 5am, it saps any semblance of life and energy out of your body, and leaves your mind a tired, inspirationless blob. At least, that’s my excuse. We are so thankful to have a/c, but it is only one little box on the wall in the living area, and the bedroom and this room remain sweaty-hot. The weather broke about four days ago, and it is utter bliss to pull one’s duvet up to one’s chin, and sleep deeply, in the cool of night. Everything is more pleasant: preparing a meal, putting on make-up, watering the plants – all without a little trickle of sweat running down one’s back. Ugh. I am not a summer girl. You can imagine what school is like in this weather. Hot, teenage bodies, after a lunchtime spent running around on the oval or playing basketball. The smell!
I am loving being part-time. I get so much joy out of working on the stuff for church, and my Thursday play-day. It is delicious to wake up on a Thursday morning and have nothing to do, nowhere to go, except where pleases me. Love it! We have been very busy with church stuff, which is demanding but I am in awe at all the Lord is doing. I ache with love for Him and His ways.
In other news, we have been house-hunting. This is an exercise of faith, as the prices around here are unbelievable. I just know that God is going to do something miraculous for us. It would take both of us working full time, even with my husband’s excellent income, to afford to buy anything resembling a decent 3 x 1 home. I am so relaxed about this. I know we will get something good.
It’s pretty hot around here. Our mornings consist of opening up the house first thing for an hour or so, then battening down the hatches with the a/c running and a glass of cold water somewhere within reach. I can’t remember a day below 35, lately, and there are a lot more to come. I hate drinking a cup of tea with the fan going full bore just so I can bear it. We’ve got an evening sea-breeze, tonight, so everything is open, but it is still pretty warm.
I can’t believe that school starts next week. These have been the fastest six weeks! About two weeks ago, I had a very strong feeling that I wouldn’t be teaching for much longer. Over the last couple of days, the feeling has become even stronger, almost to the point where I’m wondering if I did the right thing in saying I’d work this year at all. I just have the strongest sense that my time there is Done. We’ll see what the next few weeks hold. I can’t pull out without reasonable notice, so I’ll have to see how the term goes.
I’ve also had a strong sense lately that the Lord is bringing back into my/our lives some people from the past. I have some very dear friends who just kind of meandered away out of my life for the past three or four years, but I really sense that the time has come to renew some of these ties. There have been some interesting things happening lately that have kind of shoved people back into our sphere. I have a sense of expectancy about 2008.
On a different note, did I mention that I’m only teaching three days a week this year? That is going to be a blessing in itself! One day will be my day ‘off’, and on the Wednesday I will be working at the church office, which I’m really excited about. I’ll be working on ourtreach stuff – we’re setting up child sponsorship in Cambodia, as well as supporting our church there and a number of pastors and leaders. We also have six remote villages that we help out, financially and spiritually. I’ll be co-ordinating much of this, jsut while the project gets going. I’m also the co-ordinator of our Children’s Church, and we are doing lots of cool stuff this year, so I think my Wednesdays are going to be rather full!
And on another entirely different note, I took great delight this evening in the fact that I could go into our garden, gather about twenty little tomatoes from three or four different varieties, slice them in half and drizzle them with olive oil, and then scatter wild rocket on top, also from our garden. It is very satisfying to eat something you have grown. I am also enjoying right now a cup of peppermint tea, made with mint from our garden topped with boiling water. We did not, however, grow the dark chocolate M & Ms I’m about to have with the tea.
Filed under: school
We finished school for the year yesterday. Words are too feeble to describe the joy I feel about this, and, I’m sure, most of the students. My students, on the whole, tend to loathe holidays as they miss the routine and the stimulation of school, and don’t have the culture that Australian families have of going out, or planning fun days at home. I think they mostly watch tv and find themselves rejoicing at starting school again.
I want to share a couple of gems from the Christmas cards I received. The first one is from a gorgeous Sudanese student with a bright smile, and the quirky, sany personality that I have found characterises most Dinka people. There is just something about that people-group! She ran to me the other day, saying, “I buy you present!” smile gleaming and eyes alight with excitment. I took the envelope, noting that it said, “This lovely card belong to Mrs ______.” I always try to save my laughter for later, but I think a giggle erupted from my mouth. I opened the envelop, finding a card and some pink plast stick thing, with a fluffy end. The other end was covered in teeth marks. I am thinking that possibly it held some kind of lolly before? Such are the joys of teaching the 1imited-schoolers. Teachers of the regular migrants get things like bottles of wine and nice boxes of chocolates.
My other gift, though, is far nicer that a bottle of wine. Let me transcribe the lovely letter another student gave me. It reads:
Dear Mis _________
Merry Christmas and happ new year have a great Christmas and lovely holiday and have a good time with your family. I love you so much you are my best teacher and God bless you with your family and every were you go God be with you and God look upon you at all time.
Thank you
God bless you.
Susan.
I left the errors as they were. Now, before you criticise my teaching (the lack of punctuation, the run-on sentences, the occasional spelling error) let me remind you that this girl has been through severe trauma (war and family-issues) and has had interrupted schooling. She probably had a total of two years before coming to Australia. This is the result of around seven months in Australia, with English as her second language. I think she done good!
Much as I love them, I will be highly grateful for six weeks’ break, and look forward to gaining some brain function in the very near future.
Filed under: school
My students come out with some beautiful comments. They certainly need recording for posterity’s sake.
- A couple of weeks ago the nurse came to take some of the students to have their eyes tested. This led to a big discussion on The Eye and how it operates. I pointed out that we can only see a small part of the actual eye – it is really a big ball. This seemed to horrify them and they begged me to stop. We then discussed how the eye works, and I drew some simple diagrams, explaining also what happens when you are short-sighted or long-sighted. Of course, this then led to the ear, the brain, the hand and so on. It was one of those great lessons that are so meaningful and relevant, although unplanned. At the end of it, someone looked at me with wide eyes, shaking her head. “Miss, you are so clever. Did you used to be a doctor?” (Yes, I left my successful medical practice in order to take up teaching.)
- Last Wednesday it was the Year Twelve students’ last day. We were about to head off to the final assembly so I said to my class, “Today is a special day. Do you know what day it is?”
“Is this the day they change the clocks? Oh, Miss, that is very bad! How can they DO that?” Lots of nods of agreement and looks of approbation. “Miss, this is so bad! Is God going to come back???” Light dawned, and I explained that the sun would be doing the exact same thing it did before, and that the planetary alignment would remain the same. I assured them that God wasn’t going to come back (to my knowlege, unless He is vehemently opposed to daylight saving, I guess). They were not planning to shift the entire earth in order to accomodate our desire for an extra hour’s light. The relief was palpable, and this led to a great lesson on Time, and how man began to apply time to the ‘movement of the sun’ in order to accomodate our busy lives. It brought to my mind again how time-focussed we are; for many of these students, growing up in rural Africa, time until now has consisted of the sun coming up and the sun going down again. Actually, these were the same students who asked the science teacher if God was happy about Man travelling to the moon and so on. Don’t you LOVE their naive and beautiful hearts?!
- And yesterday. I had to do duty on the oval, which is being dug up in order to lay new grass. My shoes were filled with sand and when I got back to class after lunch, although I had shaken them out my feet were still brown with dust. I keep a supply of baby wipes in the drawer for such events, and took one out and began to quickly wipe down my feet. One of my sweet girls looked at me and said, “Miss, let me clean your feet.” A little lump rose in my throat as I was reminded of a Man who did the same thing many years ago. There are many, many teenagers at school who typify every negative behaviour and attitude associated with the age. There, in my room, was one who just wanted to serve her teacher in a practical way. Not in a gazillion years would an normal teen offer to do the same thing. Some of these kids are just exceptional and I consider it a privilege to participate in moments such as these. Although I didn’t let her wash my feet, I don’t think I will forget that little moment.
I haven’t blogged in a looooong time. Not because I haven’t wanted to, more because I feel like my brain has been sucked out of me by the time school is over and we do all the weekly activities we are involved with. Life. Is. Busy. Bullet points might be the quickest and easiest way of summing up.
- We are running a ‘homegroup’ on a Wednesday night, which doesn’t actually take place at our home, but in a suburb about 50 minutes away. There are quite a few people who come up to our church from there, so we thought we’d meet their needs and run the group from their area. It means they can feel connected with church without the whole lot of them driving up here during the week. I love doing this with my husband; we work so well as a team and we manage to ‘fill in the gaps’ for each other.
- My husband has just accepted a job offer. Without actively looking, he somehow managed to land about six interviews, five of which resulted in offers. The new job means that we will very easily be able to manage on one income when the time comes, and it means that we can actually plan to do things like purchase a home, which seemed beyond the stars due to the resources boom here in the west (the resources boom which has made the way for the new income!). He has been very happy in the current job, but it really seems like God has made a way for us in this new one. It will certainly help us realise some dreams and goals.
- On said job offer: my lovely husband said it was completely up to me whether or not I choose to work next year, knowing how much I am over teaching. He rocks. I’m thinking about becoming a tennis/doing lunch wife. Ha! Actually, I think I will still work part-time, maybe three days a week. It is nice to add to our household in this way.
- We are planning a little holiday at the end of the year. I have never really been to Sydney or around New South Wales, and my darling has two weeks holiday to use up before the New Job. A little jaunt to the east would be so much fun.
- I preached at church on Sunday. It has been so long since I did that! I spoke on suffering and perseverance and all the Lord has taught me in regards to this. You know what? NOT my doing, but all glory to God - it was amazing. There were people in tears and I know that hearts were touched.
- My parents and sister and her family are back from Europe (again) and we have been spending some fun times with them. It makes me hungry for France again. They did do the right thing and bring us back some confit de canard (duck in a can). You haven’t had duck unless you’ve eaten French duck. The French Know How To Do Food. Seriously.
- School is actually going really well. Just over six weeks until the year is over. I can do six weeks.
- The garden is looking very pretty. One of these days I’ll post some pictures.
- Oh! I am SO excited about this! One of my friends is giving me her spare therm0mix. A therm0mix is a groovy appliance that is a food processor, grain grinder, enzyme-preserving cooker, bread mixer, slicer, dicer and all round amazing kitchen appliance. She has a new one with all these extra-fancy buttons, but the old one does all the same stuff. I can’t wait to play! You can make stuff like pesto, sorbet, mayonnaise and so on in the space of five minutes.
- That’s all, for now.
Filed under: school
I had a new student today. The nature of our job is that we can get new students at any time of the term or year – they come at all times, according to when they have arrived in the country and how quickly they progress in the beginner class. Our new boy, whom I’ll call Simon, came in today. He is a big African boy, and seems diligent and keen to learn. When he got up to go to recess, I saw It. His brand spanking new school bag, stiff in its newness. And pink. Very, very pink. My mind immediately started racing. How was I going to tell this sweet boy, fifteen years old, that his bag was a ticket to abject humiliation and popularity suicide? I knew he was most likely proud of his new bag, and it was likely the first one he had ever had. I had to be tactful, but I knew there was very little possibility of avoiding embarrassment completely. I was saved from initiating the speech by one of the other boys. “That bag is for girl, Miss”, he said.
”Yes, Simon,” I said, “That is such a lovely bag and you are keeping it so nice and neat. Umm, in Australia usually pink is a colour that is for girls.” I thought quickly. “Do you have a sister?” (There are usually several children in an African family.)
“Yes,” he said.
“Uh, what colour is her bag?” He thought for a moment, and replied (to my utmost relief), “Black.”
“Ok, Simon. When you get home tonight, swap bags with your sister. Change bags.”
With hand gestures to illustrate what I meant, he went on his way. My class clown grabbed the pink bag, and carried it for Simon. He is known throughout the school and is completely confident in his popularity. A bit of laughter would roll right off his back. I found out later that a whole group of kids had already laughed at him at the bus stop that morning, but he seemed ok. I saw him sling his jumper across his bag this afternoon.
Such are the vagaries of school-yard life in a new country.
